For those of you who don’t know, Bri and Britt have only been friends for about a year and a half- crazy right? People say “I feel like you’ve know each other forever!” But that has no meaning, we feel like we’ve known each other for eternity! So how does a relationship like that happen in only a year and a bit? Every relationship is different and they’ve all gotta start somewhere! Whether we are building friendships, dating relationships, or getting closer to our mom, getting past the “comfort zone” can be, well...uncomfortable! We’ve come up with 6 tips to create deep relationships faster than it takes to cook microwave popcorn!
•Don’t be afraid to “go there”: Let me tell you about my dating experience.. I would be on a date with a guy and before I even met him I could tell you exactly how the conversation would go: “Where are you from?” “What are you studying/What do you do for work?” And other, pointless, mildly important, surface level, questions that you bounce back and forth until you go home. That’s exactly how they would go too! I was dating this guy, we had been dating for 3 months, but we had known each other for close to 4 years. When I realized he knows NOTHING about me. So I asked him, “Why do you even like me?” He responded with some sweet answers- that, yeah, were cute, but had no depth to them. Through all this time we didn’t know anything about each other because the two of us were afraid to “go there” and actually let each other in on the not so “cute” details of our lives. You will never get to knows someone, fully feel comfortable in your own skin around them, until you can “go there” Ask the hard stuff! There is nothing worse than leaving a date knowing nothing more about the person than their major in school, their summer sales company, and their gym routine! Yes..those things are important to know...but what about the deep stuff? Why are they the way they are? How is their relationship with their dad?
My brother in law is the best at this- no matter who you are he will just jump the gun and ask the questions that almost sound weird in a first meeting, but those are the questions we need to be asking! Who cares what your favorite color is! I want to know what made you, YOU! These are the things that will really build that strong foundation! That being said, it is not easy to start these “deeper” conversations. That’s where being comfortable with being uncomfortable comes into play! Just ask! Ask what you want to know and if the person you are talking with isn’t receptive then you’re saving yourself some time! It probably isn’t the kind of relationship that will fulfill you!
•You are not too good for anyone and no one is too good for you: Social media has a fun way of scewing our perceptions of each other! Let me tell you something that I hope you remember when you make 1.2 million a year, when you lose your house, when you have 100 followers, 1000000 followers, or when Instagram and social media don’t exsist! You are not “too good” for anyone and no one is “too good” for you! People are people and we are all just this- Human. Sometimes I would go on a date and I would find myself being nervous! It would put me off and I would feel almost awkward! They were this or that and I was just.. me. But just me is just great and once you realize that everyone has great things about them, and everyone has skeletons in the closet, social status means nothing! So when you meet someone on tinder or bumble, you meet up with your favorite instagramer or Justin Bieber, you reconnect with the football star from high school or try to make a new friend, people are just people and we are all on the same playing field!
•Don’t let the past control your future: I am the biggest example of this!! I have a long history of not trusting guys and assuming the worst right from the start line. Because of my experience in my last relationship, I have a hard time trusting guys are really interested in me, really going to stick around, and really not putting on a show! I’ve let that fear and assumption keep me from progressing in relationships that otherwise may have brought me happiness! Let go of the past. Not everyone is here to hurt you and not everyone is the same! Putting up fences because of someone else’s mistakes isn’t going to fix anything. It’s only going to keep you in the yard of bitterness and unhappiness! Let. It. Go. Everyone deserves a fair chance! Give it to them!
•Laugh: The quickest way to make friends in my opinion is to laugh! Ever wonder how bri and I came to be best friends? Laughing our butts off. Last year we went to Thailand with a group of 12 random (awesome) people! Bri and I took a few days away from the group to do some activities we had been dying to do! We hopped on our Vespa and screamed, sang, and laughed till we cried! After that trip, I felt more comfortable and close to Bri than I had with anybody in...ever? Yes we have the serious, business, hard, tear-jerking conversations. But 89% of the time we are laughing! We are able to be ourselves and see the good in life that way! I think laughter brings people together in a way nothin else can! Crack a joke, be your weird self, and laugh that goofy laugh!
•Communicate: There is no quicker way to end a relationship than poor communication! I’ve seen first hand just how important good, controlled, real conversation is in relationships! To be honest with you, this is something I’ve always struggled with! Im surprisingly shy (until I get to know you then good luck) and kind of a “fix it myself” person. When I struggle, I prefer people don’t know! This used to really hurt my relationships. Even my mom didn’t know how I was feeling or what was wrong half of the time! In the last year I have seen a change. I began opening up. Talking about my hard days and my struggles. As I have, I’ve been able to connect with people I wouldn’t have ever met otherwise and grow closer to those that I’d been distant from my entire life! Miscommunication is what creates resentment, anger, and frustration. Good communication eliminates it all! So be open! Talk about it..all of it!
•Talk to people: When I lived in England, I moved there by myself- I was completely alone other than Britt and my family at home who I could call! I knew no one, I had no friends, and I was basically starting life over in the middle of everyone else’s! I had two options: Call my mom as I’m grocery shopping or Strike up a conversation with the girl next to me in line at the check out! Yeah it feels a little weird, people get stuck in their day to day and pay no mind, but to grow your circle you need to be willing to break it! Break outside of your comfort zone and be willing to make connections with people you have never seen before. Your new best friend, boyfriend, mother in law, or business partner can be standing right next to you! Open the conversation and be ready for the new relationships that follow.
The next date you go on I challenge you to ask the hard things. Don’t be afraid to stir up a conversation! That girl in line at the grocery store, she could be your new best friend! Give her a shot! Putting yourself out there is uncomfortable, but just like wearing a pair of jeans through a whole day of work, you got to get comfortable with the uncomfortable!
Bri and Britt